There are a lot of things we could call it. Domestic discipline is one name. Rules or structure is another. Whatever it is, it works for some people. I am an adult woman, a feminist, and dedicated to principles of nonviolence. I do not believe that any of this is incompatible with the fact that I have asked my partner to help me with creating rules and structure in my life, nor that the consequence of my failure to adhere to the rules and structure is often a spanking.

I do not believe that my relationship has been ordained by any higher power, nor that I need this structure because I am a woman. I do not believe that discipline requires a heterosexual partnership.

I believe that discipline in my relationship is consistent with healthy adult functioning. I believe that, far from hindering my process of healing from childhood abuse, discipline and structure can be a healing force. I believe that power exchange is not solely erotic.

I trust my own perceptions of what is and is not working, and I trust my partner's perceptions of the same.