This thing we do

what is the bottom top thing everyone keeps talking about?? we just began dd and i want to learn more

Bottom and Top are common terms used in DD to explain the roles people have in their relationship. The Top is the spanker and the Bottom is the spankee - in simplistic terms!

Not everyone uses these terms and there are others such as Dom and Sub (Dominant and Submissive) and probably others that I don't know as well. I am hardly an expert.

I think each DD relationship is unique and means something different to each couple (or disciplinarian and Bottom - not necessarily in a couple - or might be a threesome - or more - or whatever!)

There are no set rules except the ones you and your partner choose to make. There is no right or wrong way to do this thing we do. Many of us on here find it is a constant learning situation and renegotiation. What I think you will find is common, on this board at least, is the love and understanding the people involved in ttwd give to their significant others and their friends here.

Please tell us a little more about how you practice or would like to use DD in your lives and feel free to ask more questions as you go.

well he is the hoh so what he says goes we are new so we are still setting rules and such

What are you trying to get out of a DD relationship that can't get out of a traditional modern relationship? What do you see in your friends relationship that you don't like? I am a little uncomfortable with "he is the HOH and that is the way it is going to be" attitude. The people on this board seem to like DD because it works them both as individuals and as couples. It doesn't seem like this is the case in your relationship.

i want the feeling of his control. as for what i dont like in others relations around me is the disrespect

I can understand that--I've never cared much for people who were disrespectful to their partners--I've always felt it reflected poorly on them!

I use Top and bottom pretty generically just to indicate who is the spanker/Top (typically the HoH, if you will) and who is the spankee/bottom. Sometimes I'm a submissive to my wife, and sometimes I'm a slave, and sometimes I'm a young woman in need of *ahem* a firm hand...for me "bottom" encompasses all of these roles in a more generic way.

i use the terms pretty broadly to refer to spanker (top) and spank-ee (bottom).

in my own relationship (as most members know) there's a lot of blurriness as to who's more dominant (well, ok, i'll admit that it's my tendency to be more dominant... it's just not necessarily a tendency that works well for us). and i'd have to admit that i might get to a point of being properly respectful, but i'm rarely what one might call "submissive." but w's definitely the top... most of the time.

my general comment on a ttwd relationship, though, is that for it to work well for everyone involved, there generally needs to be a lot of communication happening. i suspect, sometimes, that it's the conscious communication, and not necessarily the spanking, that makes relationships with ttwd go more smoothly. if people are taking the time to express what they need and want, and working on effectively connecting with each other, they can only benefit.

just my opinion, of course, but i've rarely seen a relationship damaged by good communication!

I'd like to wait on commenting until I get a better sense of your situation and dynamic. Please feel comfortable and welcomed enough to help us get a better sense of your relationship. How long have you been together? How was DD approached? Was it your fiance's idea? What was the response from the other partner?

What does DD mean to both of you, and what do you both hope to get out of it? I'll tell you, if you're doing it because it's what he wants and you want to be a "good wife", I assure you it won't work.

what is ttwd?

we have been together for 6 years in november it was my idea. we both approached it witha open mind cause b4 we even knew other ppl did it we were kinda do it. he would spank me for my attitude and language a lot.

ttwd is "this thing we do" which is kinda a generic term for domestic discipline. Some of us are strictly DD, some are into dominant/submissive or Master/slave roles...ttwd just means, this thing that we do, however it plays itself out for you and your partner.

oh now i feel stupid lol i should have know that

Gosh, Ditzygirl ... don't feel stupid about that. I don't think you are the first to ask at all.

You started dating when you were 12?

yup 2 days b4 my 13the birthday!!